I had woken up past 11am, which I had figured was a start of a good day because I had sufficient sleep. But when we had gone for lunch as a family I instantly felt tired and fatigue. I don't think it was because I overslept, or slept too little.. But it was just the presence of being around them that made me so weary. After lunch we had gone home and I was forced to follow my brother to send his phone to the workshop to be checked. Although I didn't really say anything about not wanting to go, I had no choice either way because he didn't know where it was.
When we got home (again), I just wanted to relax upstairs in my room... Something I have NEVER been able to do peacefully during the day because being the youngest child of the family, I have never really been given 'alone' time to myself at home. I was always forced to be downstairs whether it was watching tv or being in the study room unlike my brothers who were allowed to study in their rooms, or just relax and do whatever in their rooms.
Today, I just have a feeling of staying in my room. I don't want to see anybody at all... Well, if given the opportunity, of course I would love to see her.. But she's gone out with another friend and well, yeah I wouldn't be allowed to go out anyway. I just want to laze on my bed. But when I got into my room, my eldest brother had made me go downstairs barely 15 minutes after getting on my bed to watch a movie with my parents and him. Finally the movie ended, I had returned to my bed and my father comes upstairs to call me to go out for a walk? I mean, hey, i'm going through the age where I just wanna be on my own, in my room, doing whatever the hell I want to do... No, actually i'm almost passed with that stage I think. I'm 19, starting my degree program soon, and I have yet to experience just being alone in my room without seeing anybody. Both my brothers were given that opportunity the moment they had entered college, but no. Being the youngest I've got the responsibility to keep my parents company 24/7. It was worse when my brothers went overseas and I had all the attention to myself..
Sorry for ranting, lol I know its annoying to read somebody ranting online.. But what I had just said, is very relatable to other people who are the youngest in their family. Its not an easy tasks being the youngest. Unless you open up your heart and see the troubled times that we've faced and never spoke about, you'd never understand how difficult it is.
So yeah back to my day.... I've been stressing on her birthday planning for ages and I've just only started the invitation today. Its 7pm and I think I've gotten the invitation done with some help.. But their reply... Not really welcoming because practically all of them said "I'll get back to you tomorrow". I'm going to hold on to their words and pester them like shit tomorrow xD. Now the following problem is, how am I going to collect her present? The weekend is approaching.. Well, as already approached and I still haven't a clue how i'm going to get it... Its gonna be tough. Well, i'm sure i'll figure something out.
Moving on, I went for dinner with my family and yeah, I expected it to come and it did. Small problem with the usual 2, but it didn't last. I got back to my room without too much trouble.
She went somewhere with a friend tonight as well and I asked her to maybe bring me there one day, but it doesn't seem like she was too keen of doing so... That she suggested bringing my friend along. Yeah, that kinda ticked me off. I know its a stupid thing to be so concerned and pissed off at because its such a small thing but I really don't feel comfortable with them being so close... Close to the fact that i'm getting vibes that they are getting closer to each other than I am with her.
Oh, and when I asked my brother to have the car for 1 damned day, he's making a fuss about it. For fucks sake, he takes the car out every damned day! When was the last time I took the car out for "fun"? Every time I take the car out its either for lunch, or to college. Which isn't very often. I mean, i'm asking for 1 day! Is it that difficult to stay at home maybe? Or to get a friend to pick him up!? For 1 God forsaken day!
Back to my day, haha sorry for going out of topic a few times back there.. She called me after she dropped her friend back home as she made her way home because she was scared to be alone. And as she got home she said she'd call me back so I waited. And waited... And waited. Much like a stalker, I checked her last seen at 12.18am and saw her it was a minute ago, so I proceeded and asked what she was doing. Now is 12.37am and i'm just going to wait for her reply. Whether she replies me before I sleep or not, I have no reason to keep pestering her to answer me. I'm not sure if she's asleep or not so I'll leave it as it is.
As for now, i'm signing off, I'll see you readers tomorrow :)
#jout
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